a happy post after a long time

19 08 2011

My 100th post! Got to give you something to cheer up 🙂 Its been long since I wrote since I wanted the 100th post to be a positive one. Lets get on with it since it will be a bullet point one:
• I’m 32 weeks Pregnant. Time flies, its almost time for me to pack my bag 🙂 I’m just getting very nervous and scared even when I’ve been through it. I’ve gathered almost all the stuff I’ll need in the first few weeks for the baby. The aches and pains are getting harder to bear but just a few more weeks of this!
• E will be starting Big School right after Eid Inshallah and I really really love his school. I hope he loves it as much as I do. He’s excited to take his new lunch box and water bottle and I hope he does well with the mingling and calming down as well.
• Eid is coming and I’ve bought the cutest, most adorable Shalwar Kameez for E accompanied by matching sandals. Who says you can’t enjoy dressing up boys? :p
• Work front, we have a new boss and he’s keeping me occupied. Not stressful but enough to keep my mind busy. I will be starting my maternity leaves right after eid. This time, unlike E’s time, I’ve decided to take leaves according to the govt rules of prenatal and postnatal leaves as I don’t want to get fake documents, plus I want to spend the last weeks with E. I love the idea of being home to feed E lunch when he gets back from school. Fingers crossed, I hope things turn out as planned.
• My mom is coming in another month!
• Our new home is just about completed and we’re planning to shift just before the baby comes in. Inshallah
• One troubling thought is that E is not putting on weight or height since the last 2-3 months and I’m not sure what to do about it. He’s eating normal albeit slight less then what he used to but his naughtiness and activeness is increasing by folds. He still does fall in the normal category of height/weight for his age though but he’s not growing per say. Experienced moms, opinions please.


this post does not deserve a title

21 07 2011

Long rant ahead, I’m in a whiny WHINY mood and YOU my readers will suffer the wrath. Most of the post ahead will not make sense and will have many spell check errors, but I don’t CARE! (Yes, I write mostly when I’m drowning in self pity)

I think I’m at the lowest point of my life; I CAN and DO cry at the drop of a hat. I’m the most miserable when I’m at work as I have NO WORK. Apart from that my will to work has GONE! I feel old and rusted and feel all my education has gone down the drain. I’m getting more and more distant from my colleagues here. I’m interacting VERY less with everyone. I’m feeling so useless that I feel sorry for the company that they are tolerating me in my inactivity. I don’t know what I will decide after the maternity leave is over and my baby will Insha Allah be safely out of me and seeing if a maid situation works out or not but I think I’m mentally prepared for a break. If this is the kind of work conditions I have to return to, then I might as well be with my babies.

As stated before, my boss has become the project manager for another project outside of my division so he stays outstation 4/5 working days, comes on one day and is roaming and boasting about him and the scale of project the whole day. He has absolutely NO work yet for us, especially I. I had specifically told him that the management is getting frustrated with the lack of work our section has and he calmly said, its ok if you are IDLE for a few days, not the end of the world. He does NOT care to protect his own section as he is involved in this BIG project. Another one of the reason is probably because he can see I’m on family way so he does not trust me with any responsibilities. I’m interacting less with the section people as well as females I used to call “Friends”. I eat my lunch alone on my seat and just keep the bloggers as my company and either go to the GIRLS if I feel like it, which is becoming rare nowadays. I feel so out of all the discussion and so in the pits that I feel I’m alone even in a crowd. Not good for the self esteem. I generally read blogs the whole day and either get up for loo breaks or a few minutes chit chat or come on seat and keep my head down. I just can’t wait to head back home and be with E.

Pregnancy wise, its Masha Allah the 7th month and am at a stage where I’m getting bigger by the day, hogging like a pig and looking at thin and smart people make me depressed, Every day I look at myself in the mirror and think I’m FAT (Duh!) and UGLY and as hubby if he still loves me (he’s smart enough to say the right thing). I have aches and pains everywhere, getting up, sitting down, walking, lying, everything is a chore and it’s a terrible feeling to get up in the morning after an 8 hour interrupted sleep (E and loo breaks) and feel tired even then! People can actually predict what I will be wearing the next day due to my limited MATERNITY wear (yea, I’m THAT shallow). Doing work for and lifting E is getting difficult due to the football hanging between my legs.

E, in addition to getting sweeter by the day, is also getting a will of his own. He’s back to his bad behavior of spitting, hitting, pinching, shouting and crying even he’s ALL our attention. I fail to understand what to do. His routine is back to normal and I’m trying my best not to hit him in order to discipline him but nothings working (he’s 2.5 yrs btw). He has also started getting up in the middle of the night (as many as he wants) and crawls or jumps in our bed, where he ends up kicking my tummy or back as he pleases in his sleep. Not good for later! I so want to take out E from his daycare as I feel he’s not learning much there but I don’t want him to end up at home all day. That’s why I’m trying to get him admitted in a school so that he can transition from daycare to a playgroup. It will be difficult with the new baby home but I’ll have additional things on my hand so I cant say I’m bored.

I’m missing my folks terribly. I just feel like curling up in my father’s lap and weeping. I never tell my folks about my problems (touchwood, I don’t have any) or my depression. The only people I share it with is my male colleague who is also a great friend, and sometimes my hubby if I’m in the mood for it and of course you my blog friends.

Silver lining: MIL and hubby are being the sweetest and doing their best to help me out in my time of difficulty.

Time to get down to business

6 07 2011

Been doing a lot of reading and no writing so its time to get on with business. As usual, it’ll be a bullet point update since I’m thinking too many things at the same time.
• SIL left 2 weeks back. E was initially missing them but now he has settled with the answer that they have gone home.
• E’s getting ubber sweet by the day since he has started speaking complete sentences. He leaves us gaping and in awe
• I’m 25+ weeks pregnant and showing very obviously. Started off at 47kg and went to 49kg, came down at 47 kg and now finally at 52 kg in 6 months. Blood reports are again showing a slight dip in my HB and I need to double my iron supplements and I just cannot do it. The medicines are too heavy for me and if I increase that then my appetite goes down. I know my tendency to get anemic so I know for a fact that I’ll eventually get the iron shots so I might as well not put my body through the double doses.
• SIL’s quick departure left a bad taste in our mouth (mine and hubby’s) but who am I to object?
• Since the beginning, I have always cautioned hubby as to not mix professional and personal life with each other but he would not pay heed to it. We have another shop in the SIL’s city and her husband is employed there since a few months now. The owner of the shop is now complaining to hubby that your BIL is just too casual over there plus there’s no discipline. He has given a warning that if it’s not sorted out, he will want hubby to fire BIL. I know it was the “I told you so” moment for me but I’m worried about what will happen now.
• Still procrastinating about continuing to work after the baby or not.
• The new house will Inshallah be ready by the time the baby is ready 😉 Plan to move before the D Day! Hope everything goes well.
• No news on E’s admission so I’m a nervous wreck right now.
• Office conditions are still as bad as before. No work AT ALL and sitting idle is killing me. My immediate supervisor has gone to another city for work assignments so he’s basically here for 1 day out of 5 and spends the day boasting about the work he has done (NOT!). I have no responsibilities just odd jobs which cannot be billed. The only consolation is that I have this month of July to get through since August is Ramadan and it’s easier with half day and right after Eid I should be on my Maternity leave. Though I have no clue what I’ll do on my Maternity leave Prenatal since E would also be out for half the day and there’s not much to be done at home. Oh well, I’ll procrastinate again! 🙂
• My mommy is coming in October!!! Yipppee 😀

Work woes…

22 04 2011

Work has been boring with a capital B!

In fact I have absolutely NO work since more then a month now. Correction, I have no work since AFTER I have returned from my trip to my folks’.

Let me just briefly describe what I used to do and what I’m doing now. I’m a software engineering and primarily entered for development. Somewhere along the road, my job molded to include a little bit of management with a small team under me. This team works under me only in the Organizational Chart and it’s another long story about my Boss’s management style so we’ll leave it at it.

We had a spell of massive downsizing in our company and most of us survivors had to work at getting new business. So my boss involved me in business development and promotional activities and we were able to acquire some new business. I have to say I loved the pace at which the business development and promotional activities proceeded and I was shifted completely at it.

Now the situation is such that business development is no more our company’s main focus as we are surviving and my boss is deputed on another HUGE project of which we are a very small part. He is also going to be out of city for 2-3 out of 5 days of a week.

Where does that leave me?

I’m just left with a few odd jobs as my initial work has already gone to another developer under me and he’s pretty good at it and there’s no more work with business development either since the boss has his hands full with the HUGE project for the new 15 months.

And the fact that I’m not even trying to make an effort is perhaps a proof that maybe I don’t WANT to take up any more responsibilities at work. My days at work are spent on gmail, fb or reading blogs and waiting for the day to get over. I check out designs for rooms in my new house. The only thing I love about my work day is getting up at a certain time, getting E and his food ready and being out of the house at a particular time.

Have I lost interest in work or am I almost prepared to give it all up?


4 04 2011

I’m torn between the decision to stay at home after the baby and continuing to work. These are the things running in my head;
1. The MIL has severe pain in her arm and we’ve been taking her to the doctors frequently now but it’s the age factor and lack of calcium and not much can be done about it. I feel guilty just thinking of leaving it all on MIL when she’s in so much pain and look what may but even though the infant is on bed most of the time, it’s still a lot of work.
2. When I’m entertaining the thought of staying at home, then the hubby tells me don’t start eating my brain when you are not going to work and then the decision would be final and there would be no way of going Ctrl+Z (yea he’s really supportive like that#$@#$!!!).
3. I keep thinking I would be loosing part of my identity and then would I have enough in my hands to keep me full the whole day?
4. It’s a 24/7 job with no leaves and no half days. I’d have no one to talk to other then MIL and E.
5. On the up side, I think I won’t have to go through the initial stress of leaving behind an infant for full time work. (Part time work is just schooling which I just don’t have the patience to deal with AT ALL). Plus I won’t have to juggle the career with kids.
6. I do however plan to start work after a 1.5 or 2 years gap when the kids would Inshallah be 2 and 5! So what harm can a little break cause?
7. The biggest UP is that E will feel less insecure with my being at home since he’s bound to be jealous from the baby and would want E time with Mamma.
Not matter how many ups and down I see but I know I’ll have to make this decision based on my personal choice and will have to STICK with it!

long time

9 12 2010

I realize I haven’t written in almost a month. I’ve been so busy with work that as soon as I plan to write a post, something or the other comes up. And hubby doesn’t know of this blog of mine so I cant blog from home, not that I have any time left at home anyways. I mentioned that the MIL is back and has now gone to meet her younger daughter out of city. SIL is having another baby. Actually she HAD another baby; it’s a GIRL and was given birth to on 8th Dec 2010. A very healthy 8 pound baby Mashallah! So it’s the 4 of us at home, Me, hubby, FIL and E. E is getting so close to being 2! My God, I don’t know how time flies. E has learned so many new things, like he would raise both of his eyes in the Oh my God kind of way and would give me the raise brows in an inquiring way. He says Janu to call his baba(I call hubby Janu) and he calls by saying Suno to me and baba. The not so great part of the Terrible Twos is that he is getting very violent with each day. He has started biting an hitting and pulling hair of his daycare buddies and he would say No to everything. Im seriously getting worried about him and his behavior and don’t know how to control it. Is it because he is getting so less time at home because of our office schedule? Plus he has started his stubbornness at being in his crib all night. He goes to bed there but after 3 hours he gets up and wants to be in bed and would cry cry and cry till we let him. Will he get through this time? Is it just a phase? My worst method of trying to control him is hitting or biting him to show that it hurts but that is making him ht and bite more. I feel so guilty doing that and keep on thinking that I’ not a good enough mother that I do such things to control my baby. Plus the fact that E does not want anyone else in the middle of the night other then his baba is making me more bad that he doesn’t love me iv just been very upset these days. The house is bought and is in my name  and work would start end Dec Inshallah. That’s about it for now

The return…

12 11 2010

Hello hello All! It’s been long yes and have I been busy, Hell yea! Quite a number of things have been going on: I’ll just bullet point them; 1. E got pretty sick AGAIN! What do I do for his immunities? The weather here sucks badly as it’s in transition to winters. It gets COLD when we’re not wearing sweaters and gets hot if we do wear them. E doesn’t take too well to such weathers. Had to give him Antibiotics for his chest congestion and haven’t told the MIL about it as she is very against them and generally avoids doctors in such cases. He’s well now but still has a flu and runny nose. 2. The In laws are coming in 2 days and we’re looking forward to it as its Eid time and it’s nice and festive with them here. 3. E has started talking and saying so many things Mashallah, that it’s difficult to keep track of them. He has started making friends and remembering their names in his Daycare. He has an adorable Accent which we can’t even replicate! 4. Our plans of a second honeymoon have been cancelled as we had OTHER plans! 5. The other plan is one where we have sold our current house and bought a property near the city. (We currently live very far from the city). We would continue to live in the same house on rent till that house is constructed which means all of our savings till now are spent and we would continue to make ends meet in the next year. But we are all very happy about it even though that place is HALF the size of our current place (We live in a Mansion right now, lol!). This new place is very near our community center where we go to EVERY EVENING. All the driving was driving me crazy and I was just bearing it all for the hope that some day I would be able to afford a piece of property in the city. The area is great and we’re planning on how to build it. We’re also meeting a professional architect (my colleague) tomorrow regarding draft designs.