back again… but no longer a working mother

aloha!
im back again… yea i know after a very very long time but this time i have a different identity.
i QUIT my job.
i dunno if i should be happy or sad about it but whats done is for the best currently.
iv been on maternity leave since 5 months (3.5 months after A was born), everyone said the colic would be gone by the time ur kid is 3 months but nopes… the kid drives me up the wall!! i shud have gotten pretty immune to his crying i aint! so i quit since the mil is unable to take care of a hysterically crying baby.. people say the first kid makes u a mother, but in my case, the second one did.
im just managing a little freelance work from home but nothing too much. boy is staying at home a tough job or what. iv been on the other side as well but this is tough, there’s just no break time at all. specially with a kid like A who constantly needs to be either held or rocked and seriously my back will one day give in and i’ll die!
ok so im exaggerating but its just too much work.. .oh well that’s why i’m a mother right?
god iv been away from the blogging world for so long, i so miss u guys!
just trying to find a time when both kids give me time.
about E, well he’s slowly adjusting to his role of being an elder brother. does get jealous quite often but managing. about A, well he’s all us 🙂 not sleeping through the night yet, not even drinking breast milk or formula as much as he should. just very very whiny all the TIME! may be its due to the fact that im accessible to him at all times.
you know when people hear iv left my job for A, they have the nerve to say that with the first you never paid any attention to the kid, only to your job! the nerve!! dammit! urggghh made me so angry…! whtever!
and when i went to give my resignation, the head dint even bother asking why im resigning… his body language was like good riddance. maybe i should nt be thinking all these things as it is depressing me.
tomorrow is the valentines day and im feeling what the hell is the fuss all about. i feel OLD ! im a mother of 2 boys and i feel like a 60 year old.. tell me this phase will pass soon and A’s colic will go away too… plus his not taking enough milk is also driving me crazy. hey did anyone of you started solids at like 4 months or so?
this is so random, il try to be regular and more composed. thanks for hearing me out.. love ya!

im back!

A turns 1.5 months and its been a tough journey with his mild colic. its truly tough handling 2 kids that somedays i dont even get loo breaks. just today A and E are both asleep and im getting to do this update.
the depression is thankfully better now as mil is taking care of A when i need to put E to sleep and feed him his food else I was getting depressed being in a room. for the time being Hubby sleeps with E and mil and i sleep with A but she’s the one taking care of A so i get my sleep. im truly blessed Alhamdulillah.
A’s been a little colicky since day 1 and after 8-9 pm he would keep on crying till midnight for no reason and it would unnverve us to no end. on top of that E’s jealousy has been increasing but its only natural.
Everytime i find myself crying and getting depressed, i tell myself A wont be an infant forever and this too shall pass. i will inshallah join work in another 2 months, and we’ll be shifting to our new place in another 2 weeks so it will trully be a new begining. thankyou all for your wishes.

1 week update

I wish I could say that im lovin’ it but…! the depression has set in really quickly. what with E showing all the traditional signs of getting ill and not eating well and whining and crying for everything. The sleepless nights and trying to handle E with equal energy is taking a toll on me. God please give me enough energy to be a better mom to my 2 boys… and help me find some semblence…
A is doing well, and he’s a well behaved baby till now Shuker!

Its a baby boy!

Hey all, not getting much time now but just wanted to update you all that I gave birth to another baby boy on the 12th of October 2011 at 1:30 am. It was a short delivery but a very very painful one with loads of stitches. I will write the whole baby story asap.. send good vibes and wishes for a speedy recovery my way….

Still waiting….

39 weeks and STILL WAITING!! Urgggghhhhh! Oh baby please come out sooon!!!

A naughty baby

Gosh this baby is such a naughty one, just wont let us find out the gender. I’ve been trying since the 5th month to try and find out the gender but to no avail, every time the baby successfully hid between his/her legs!!! i went in again last night for my scan which might be the last one but had the umbilical cord between his/her legs and the doctor tried to find out from every angle but NO!

Looks like it’ll be a BIG Surprise!!! 🙂

I think I’ll just stop apologizing for my long absence and get on with business 🙂

Okay, first things first, I’m officially Waddling now! :p And walking like a BADMAASH! uggh the pressure and the weight is bending me bad. Since its now the 35th week, I’m just surviving 🙂

I’m on my Maternity Leave so taking it all very easy now. The best part is that E started his nursery and Mashallah he’s Lovin’it! Since my maternity leave and E’s school started at the same time, I’m having a ball spending loads of time with him, pampering him to bits before the new one comes… I still have not decided about resuming work after the baby and don’t intend to decide till I’m settled in.

The house construction is going in full swing but looks like we still have a few things to get done before shifting. Maybe we will shift AFTER the baby.

My gynaec will be on leave till the 28th of this month which means I’ll be 37 weeks pregnant then and just have to make it till then without having to run to emergency. God please I’m really scared and to be bearing the pain and scare with a new doctor will be just too much. Please pray that I have a safe and normal delivery Inshallah.

a happy post after a long time

My 100th post! Got to give you something to cheer up 🙂 Its been long since I wrote since I wanted the 100th post to be a positive one. Lets get on with it since it will be a bullet point one:
• I’m 32 weeks Pregnant. Time flies, its almost time for me to pack my bag 🙂 I’m just getting very nervous and scared even when I’ve been through it. I’ve gathered almost all the stuff I’ll need in the first few weeks for the baby. The aches and pains are getting harder to bear but just a few more weeks of this!
• E will be starting Big School right after Eid Inshallah and I really really love his school. I hope he loves it as much as I do. He’s excited to take his new lunch box and water bottle and I hope he does well with the mingling and calming down as well.
• Eid is coming and I’ve bought the cutest, most adorable Shalwar Kameez for E accompanied by matching sandals. Who says you can’t enjoy dressing up boys? :p
• Work front, we have a new boss and he’s keeping me occupied. Not stressful but enough to keep my mind busy. I will be starting my maternity leaves right after eid. This time, unlike E’s time, I’ve decided to take leaves according to the govt rules of prenatal and postnatal leaves as I don’t want to get fake documents, plus I want to spend the last weeks with E. I love the idea of being home to feed E lunch when he gets back from school. Fingers crossed, I hope things turn out as planned.
• My mom is coming in another month!
• Our new home is just about completed and we’re planning to shift just before the baby comes in. Inshallah
• One troubling thought is that E is not putting on weight or height since the last 2-3 months and I’m not sure what to do about it. He’s eating normal albeit slight less then what he used to but his naughtiness and activeness is increasing by folds. He still does fall in the normal category of height/weight for his age though but he’s not growing per say. Experienced moms, opinions please.

this post does not deserve a title

Long rant ahead, I’m in a whiny WHINY mood and YOU my readers will suffer the wrath. Most of the post ahead will not make sense and will have many spell check errors, but I don’t CARE! (Yes, I write mostly when I’m drowning in self pity)

I think I’m at the lowest point of my life; I CAN and DO cry at the drop of a hat. I’m the most miserable when I’m at work as I have NO WORK. Apart from that my will to work has GONE! I feel old and rusted and feel all my education has gone down the drain. I’m getting more and more distant from my colleagues here. I’m interacting VERY less with everyone. I’m feeling so useless that I feel sorry for the company that they are tolerating me in my inactivity. I don’t know what I will decide after the maternity leave is over and my baby will Insha Allah be safely out of me and seeing if a maid situation works out or not but I think I’m mentally prepared for a break. If this is the kind of work conditions I have to return to, then I might as well be with my babies.

As stated before, my boss has become the project manager for another project outside of my division so he stays outstation 4/5 working days, comes on one day and is roaming and boasting about him and the scale of project the whole day. He has absolutely NO work yet for us, especially I. I had specifically told him that the management is getting frustrated with the lack of work our section has and he calmly said, its ok if you are IDLE for a few days, not the end of the world. He does NOT care to protect his own section as he is involved in this BIG project. Another one of the reason is probably because he can see I’m on family way so he does not trust me with any responsibilities. I’m interacting less with the section people as well as females I used to call “Friends”. I eat my lunch alone on my seat and just keep the bloggers as my company and either go to the GIRLS if I feel like it, which is becoming rare nowadays. I feel so out of all the discussion and so in the pits that I feel I’m alone even in a crowd. Not good for the self esteem. I generally read blogs the whole day and either get up for loo breaks or a few minutes chit chat or come on seat and keep my head down. I just can’t wait to head back home and be with E.

Pregnancy wise, its Masha Allah the 7th month and am at a stage where I’m getting bigger by the day, hogging like a pig and looking at thin and smart people make me depressed, Every day I look at myself in the mirror and think I’m FAT (Duh!) and UGLY and as hubby if he still loves me (he’s smart enough to say the right thing). I have aches and pains everywhere, getting up, sitting down, walking, lying, everything is a chore and it’s a terrible feeling to get up in the morning after an 8 hour interrupted sleep (E and loo breaks) and feel tired even then! People can actually predict what I will be wearing the next day due to my limited MATERNITY wear (yea, I’m THAT shallow). Doing work for and lifting E is getting difficult due to the football hanging between my legs.

E, in addition to getting sweeter by the day, is also getting a will of his own. He’s back to his bad behavior of spitting, hitting, pinching, shouting and crying even he’s ALL our attention. I fail to understand what to do. His routine is back to normal and I’m trying my best not to hit him in order to discipline him but nothings working (he’s 2.5 yrs btw). He has also started getting up in the middle of the night (as many as he wants) and crawls or jumps in our bed, where he ends up kicking my tummy or back as he pleases in his sleep. Not good for later! I so want to take out E from his daycare as I feel he’s not learning much there but I don’t want him to end up at home all day. That’s why I’m trying to get him admitted in a school so that he can transition from daycare to a playgroup. It will be difficult with the new baby home but I’ll have additional things on my hand so I cant say I’m bored.

I’m missing my folks terribly. I just feel like curling up in my father’s lap and weeping. I never tell my folks about my problems (touchwood, I don’t have any) or my depression. The only people I share it with is my male colleague who is also a great friend, and sometimes my hubby if I’m in the mood for it and of course you my blog friends.

Silver lining: MIL and hubby are being the sweetest and doing their best to help me out in my time of difficulty.

Time to get down to business

Been doing a lot of reading and no writing so its time to get on with business. As usual, it’ll be a bullet point update since I’m thinking too many things at the same time.
• SIL left 2 weeks back. E was initially missing them but now he has settled with the answer that they have gone home.
• E’s getting ubber sweet by the day since he has started speaking complete sentences. He leaves us gaping and in awe
• I’m 25+ weeks pregnant and showing very obviously. Started off at 47kg and went to 49kg, came down at 47 kg and now finally at 52 kg in 6 months. Blood reports are again showing a slight dip in my HB and I need to double my iron supplements and I just cannot do it. The medicines are too heavy for me and if I increase that then my appetite goes down. I know my tendency to get anemic so I know for a fact that I’ll eventually get the iron shots so I might as well not put my body through the double doses.
• SIL’s quick departure left a bad taste in our mouth (mine and hubby’s) but who am I to object?
• Since the beginning, I have always cautioned hubby as to not mix professional and personal life with each other but he would not pay heed to it. We have another shop in the SIL’s city and her husband is employed there since a few months now. The owner of the shop is now complaining to hubby that your BIL is just too casual over there plus there’s no discipline. He has given a warning that if it’s not sorted out, he will want hubby to fire BIL. I know it was the “I told you so” moment for me but I’m worried about what will happen now.
• Still procrastinating about continuing to work after the baby or not.
• The new house will Inshallah be ready by the time the baby is ready 😉 Plan to move before the D Day! Hope everything goes well.
• No news on E’s admission so I’m a nervous wreck right now.
• Office conditions are still as bad as before. No work AT ALL and sitting idle is killing me. My immediate supervisor has gone to another city for work assignments so he’s basically here for 1 day out of 5 and spends the day boasting about the work he has done (NOT!). I have no responsibilities just odd jobs which cannot be billed. The only consolation is that I have this month of July to get through since August is Ramadan and it’s easier with half day and right after Eid I should be on my Maternity leave. Though I have no clue what I’ll do on my Maternity leave Prenatal since E would also be out for half the day and there’s not much to be done at home. Oh well, I’ll procrastinate again! 🙂
• My mommy is coming in October!!! Yipppee 😀