im back!

A turns 1.5 months and its been a tough journey with his mild colic. its truly tough handling 2 kids that somedays i dont even get loo breaks. just today A and E are both asleep and im getting to do this update.
the depression is thankfully better now as mil is taking care of A when i need to put E to sleep and feed him his food else I was getting depressed being in a room. for the time being Hubby sleeps with E and mil and i sleep with A but she’s the one taking care of A so i get my sleep. im truly blessed Alhamdulillah.
A’s been a little colicky since day 1 and after 8-9 pm he would keep on crying till midnight for no reason and it would unnverve us to no end. on top of that E’s jealousy has been increasing but its only natural.
Everytime i find myself crying and getting depressed, i tell myself A wont be an infant forever and this too shall pass. i will inshallah join work in another 2 months, and we’ll be shifting to our new place in another 2 weeks so it will trully be a new begining. thankyou all for your wishes.

1 week update

I wish I could say that im lovin’ it but…! the depression has set in really quickly. what with E showing all the traditional signs of getting ill and not eating well and whining and crying for everything. The sleepless nights and trying to handle E with equal energy is taking a toll on me. God please give me enough energy to be a better mom to my 2 boys… and help me find some semblence…
A is doing well, and he’s a well behaved baby till now Shuker!

Catching up…

A lot has happened since the last time I wrote but just did not feel like updating. Today is my first day back at work after 2 weeks of leave and I’m up for an update.
I went to see my folks out of city for a short period of 2 weeks and it was BLISS. I tried to rest but E kept on getting clingy and restless. My bro and bhabhi had a baby boy so I spent loads of time with them and with folks at home. Hardly went out and mostly spent the time bonding. Spending the time with E for a whole 2 weeks also made me realize that my being home makes such a difference on him, but then he was missing his baba loads. Don’t know if the difference is coz of age or my staying but I love the Mama’s Boy!
There were crazy fights there and I managed to survive all. But most of all, I managed to spend quality time with my parents.
It’s a short update and I’ll be back for more…
PS: I’m Pregnant! 😀

Check this out!

According to http://www.urlai.com/
https://whinymom.wordpress.com
Mom who likes to whine
Text analysis
whinymom.wordpress.com is probably written by a female somewhere between 66-100 years old. The writing style is personal and upset most of the time.

OH MY GOD!!!!

long time no see

It’s been so long since I wrote a post. It’s a shame I’ve been ignoring the blog but I really got into a very tight routine due to Ramadan. Now that eid is done with we’ll be getting back to our same old routine. Had a blast in eid, went for dawats for 3 whole days. In fact now we’re tired of eating out.

Oh it’s my birthday today! I turn 27! Yeayyy!

My boy looked so good on eid day Mashallah in a White Shalwar Kameez, Mashallah… Overall it was a good 4 days of vacation

Mommy Guilt

Read a lot about the Mommy guilt contest and a lot of entries as well. Even though I am not an Indian but it just felt like a good topic to write on.

I am intrinsically a very guilty person, and it’s as easy as ABC to make me feel like shit. Come to think of it, it started when we started our attempts at trying to conceive when it took us a good 6 months of trying to get me pregnant. Everything I did from there can be categorized as guilty.

When E was born, he had to be taken out by vacuum when even the forceps failed.

Guilt: I didn’t try enough to push him out generally.

When trying to feed and one nipple was flat, he was unable to latch on.

Guilt: Everyone can do it, even animals can and I can’t even provide the basics to my child

While trying to unsuccessfully swaddle him, give him a bath, clean him or put him to sleep and would see MIL go through it effortlessly and be the supermom when I’m the actual “Mom”

Guilt:  if she can do it then what’s wrong with me? Why do I need so much rest and why am I feeling like am walking like a zombie in the first few months

While giving him formula very early on and still having loads of milk in the boobs and having to pump it day and night and he’d still be howling all day while he is on my feed:

Guilt: What use is all this milk if I cant even get him to latch on to me. I don’t even know if it’s enough for him or not

When going back to work after 3 months off of my maternity leave

Guilty: I’m such a bad mom that I’m leaving my baby to the MIL and going OUT to have a great time away from my baby.

When ever I take him to the doctor and he has to take antibiotics for treatment and the MIL frowns that the Antibiotics are killing the child

Guilt: Am I really doing the right thing

When ever he has an allergy outburst due to his eczema and has that itchy rash all over.

Guilt: I must have done something wrong or didn’t give him enough feed to fight infections.

Recently when I have to send him to the day care as in laws would be travelling

Guilt: How can I leave my baby to be cared by strangers? L

The list is endless and even when I know what I’m feeling guilty is useless and is NOT in my control, I still feel helpless and end up feeling guilty.

Pointless post

Hubby is out of town for office work and he’ll be gone for 3 days, and the worst part is he will be meeting my folks and I wont  I wish niece had stayed while he was gone to keep me company.
I’m really sad. Plus, I have also not been too well. I have flu and had fever all through Friday. Suffice it to say that I survived the weekend with an energetic toddler MA.
The worst part about hubby not being in town is bearing MIL’s sulking face alone. She’s still not well but when I do try to show my concern and give her medicine, she is expressionless and nonchalant about it. And I end up hating myself for even trying. I guess the best thing to do is to be quiet and get through this time without any harm.
It’s a totally pointless post, just wanted to vent. Pray for me!

what an adventure

I had a blast last night. A friend from my city was here for some official work, we told him we’d pick him up for dinner. It had already poured heavily in the day so we thought he weather was great for an open air dinner. Picked him up and off we went. Ordered a lot of things and folks and E was also with us. Just when the first item of food made its way to our table, we heard and saw the lightning bolts. We prayed hard that it doesn’t rain for a few more minutes while we gobbled our food, but the Lord doesn’t listen at these times :p Anyways, the rain came plonk and within a minute the food was soaked and so were we. We ran for the nearest cover and hubby took E to another cover. Damn we were all shivering and I was scared that E would get wet and catch a cold. Since we couldn’t stand there forever and it didn’t look like it would stop anytime soon. Thus, we had to run to the car which resulted in us getting further soaked, but we eventually reached. And what do we see, NO HUBBY OR E IN SIGHT. Shit! I had the keys with me. I quickly got everyone inside and called up hubby. He said its pouring too hard and he cannot possibly get E to the car without soaking him. Luckily a good soul from the shops bought an umbrella and Hubby and E were under it. They reached the car and E was dry! 😀 What an adventure it was. Since we were still hungry, we got something to eat in the car, dropped that friend at his hotel and rushed home. Ah, what blessing it is to reach our cozy home J

Being Twenty Something

a forward…

BEING TWENTY – SOMETHING They call it the “Quarter-life Crisis.” It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don’t recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren’t really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job… and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn’t. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren’t a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself… and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Count your blessings

They say if you really want to count your blessings, then look at the below who are below you.

I may crib about MIL trying to act like a godmother at all times, getting all of E’s time, putting him to sleep and basically being the Mother of my baby, but then I go and see what my SIL is going through and I shudder and realize Thank God that I have a great MIL.

SIL ‘s household is going through a lot of problems. Her MIL is the typical drama saas. SIL’s hubby was working abroad for the first 3 years of their marriage and just came a year back. As soon as the son leaves the house, her MIL starts to criticize and crib and start name calling. There have been instances when she had gone as far as to push her in the house to vent her anger. In the one year that the son was here, he finally came to realize his mother’s intention and decided enough was enough and said he wanted his share in the property (that he had paid initially) and wants to get separated. They initially on a fixed amount and they waited.

Now her MIL went outside the house and she is insisting that he has no share and blah blah! Bad scenes there and this makes me realize that I’m so blessed. I hope everything   works out for them.